Vanessa skriver på sin MySpace: "You left my side and my heart. you killed me."
Vanessa skriver i sin MySpace blog:
the truth of betrayal from a diseased heart.
yesterday i got into a fight with hannes in the hotel's elevator after the show. he ended up throwing me and i hit my head. he got angry and then the manager went in to talk to him to the hotel room that i paid for. my boyfriend never came out to check on how i was and he changed ever since the manager spoke to him. i argued with the manager for over an hour and he wanted me to leave and not speak to my boyfriend while i'm in a public 'hotel' that they barely paid for and i was allowed to be there. i ended up hitting the manager and one of the workers that was over to party ended up grabbing me by my hair and pulling me to the elevator. he slammed my head in nonstop into the elevator and kept hitting me while i was on the ground. when i finally ran to see my boyfriend, he didn't want to speak to me and just ignored me when i told him what happened. that they kept hitting me. i left him things he gave me and then i got arrested. before i got arrested, i sat in the hallway screaming for him and while i was being hit. he never came out. everyone else ignored me. i could have died and he wouldn't have cared.
when the police came, i begged for them to speak to him and see me. at least speak for me.
they went to go see him and he pretended as if he didn't know me and wanted nothing to do with me.
so i went with the police and went to the station. everyone felt like crying for me there and they took me to a hotel. i went to the hotel with bruises and cut marks all over my body. i had a cigarette with the policewoman and it comforted me and made my heart cry at the same time when she told me that my boyfriend was scum just like the rest of the worthless men and people in this world. that i deserve better.
as much as i still ignore it and wish i could go back to berlin just to be with him...
i can't. not this time. this is unforgivable. i shouted my helplessness to him and he fed me to them.
he betrayed me.
he left me in warsaw without knowing if i was fine or bothering to contact me where i was.
this is where i leave him.
i believed in him and i loved him and i was wrong to.
i'm now with family in warsaw, i'm forbidden to see him again as i also forbid myself.
if i thought about it without just remembering what had happened, i would kill myself.
i would do so because he was all i wanted, all i wished for, and nothing else in my life meant more than he did to me. i tried as much as i could and gave him as much as i could.
in the end, he is a selfish and filthy person that cannot hold my heart ever again.
i'm ashamed for wasting my time with him. i should have never accepted him.
i will not be coming back to berlin.
he betrayed me and i know one day he'll relize his mistake. i do not love him anymore, nor do i care for him. if i could ask a favor from you, could you please tell him to do what he wants to do with my things, i don't need them anymore. i left his jackets somewhere for good and anything of his i'm throwing away.
i wish there were people with a heart... because i don't know where mine is anymore.
23 kommentarer:
Oh mein Gawd :O Jeg Hader dig Yu. Og hvor har jeg lyst til at give nessa et kram D:
Neeeeej de var så søde sammen!!! D:
stakels nessa lyder det til... :'(
Mmh håber at vi hører noget fra yu´s side..... Så man hører begge sider af historien...
Yu har skrevet dette på Myspace... :
after all the trouble its time for me to say something about what happened.
first of all, i never hit her or hurted her physically.
i can tell that not everything shes writing is the truth.
i dont wanna call her a liar, but her words are not all true.
its not my option to explain what exactly happened or why everything went out like this.
neither am im going to call her bad or will tell something about her.
humans are humans!
i increases my phonebill this day again for many hundred euros by taking care of her thru her parents/police/and other people.
to tell i didnt care is nothing than a lie.
for me, i was that close to fall mind off, thanks to all the people around me for their help cause without them i wouldnt sit here right now and be able to still breath. and she knows very well about me and breathing...
im sorry for all of this, i was the last who wanted it to come or end like that.
even tho i dont had the chance to speak or see her.
someone once said; you always meet twice.
hope and patience are still one of my best abilities and i will keep going on like the phoenix that im well associated with.
and because i gave her some promises, some that im not going to break.
im thankful for the memory and for the time.
i never loved like this and i guess i will never do again.
she was my everything, now i am empty.
i need time to rest my heart, im broken.
thats all i wanna tell and im not going to write anything else or respond about that.
please keep her and my privacy.
Vanessa was the 7 and i was the 9.
nobody knows about the future, but i wish her all the best.
til we meet again.
Ich Liebe Dich, Vanessa.
ups glemmet den sidste linje... :
i'm sorry...
Hold kæft man Yu .. det kan du fandme ikke være bekendt mod hende ?
- I som altid har set så søde ud sammen også er du sådan ?
- stakkels Vanessa !
Jeg tror ikke rigtig på, at hun har været oppe at slås med både Yu og Mike. O__o
I hvert fald ikke i så voldsomt omfang som hun får det til at lyde.
Og det er lidt at røvrende ham, at skrive hvordan han åbenbart har banket hende, osv .. Hun ved jo godt, at mange af hans fans får det at se.
Well, synes da at det er ærgeligt at de har slået op. Har aldrig brudt mig særlig meget om Vanessa, men hun gjorde Yu glad, så det er da synd for ham.
Jeg synes at det er mega ærgeligt at de har slået op, men Vanessas version lyder lidt for usandsynelig. Yus version lyder meget mere sandsynelig synes jeg. Stakkels Yu!!
Yus version lyder meget mere rigtig!
Jeg tror på Yu!
Jeg tror man skal tage lidt fra Nessa's og lidt fra Yu's historier, for der er vidst foregået en hel masse som vi ikke kender til(og sikkert nok heller aldrig får kendskab til)og så på den måde prøve at få en helhed ud af det, hvorom alting er så er det en grimt ting der er sket, jeg mener det er slut og nu er der to ulykkelige mennesker der vandre hvileløst rundt og savner hinanden, det er meget synd for dem begge to. Jeg personligt har aldrig haft noget mod Nessa, hun er en sød ung dame der ved hvad hun vil med sit liv(at dette så sker det er trist) og i min lille verden er Yu noget af det dejligste og smukkeste man kan "opfinde", han er en fandens god guitarist og en flot fyr.
Tror altå mest på Yu's version! Har aldrig brudt mig om Nessa, men været glad for at hun gjorde ham glad... Sys hun virkede som en starfucker som kun ville være sammen med ham fordi han var kendt! og jeg er ikke jaloux! Ved fra en veninde at han er meget kærlig og IKKE voldelig!!!
Jeg vælger ikke nogle side.. Jeg er enig med Yu er ikke voldelig person! Det kan godt være hun har overdrevet lidt... Jeg har overhovedet ikke noget imod Vanessa og har aldrig haft! Forstår ikke hvorfor jeg burde. Hun virker rigtig sød og elsket Yu meget højt og gjorde ham lykkelig og det samme for Yu så det er jo sådan det er :) Jeg håber bare de finder ud af det sammen så de på en måde kan blive venner igen...
^Vampyren^XD;
hvad fanden er det for noget lort at lukke ud?
så du ikke den video hvor hun græd, eller hvad? for den giver sgu udemærket udtryk for at hun IKKE bryder sig om, at han er kendt.
Jeg tror ikke på han har slået hende og alt det der. Men på den anden side fortæller han heller ikke rigtigt andet end at hun ikke siger sandheden. Det er alt for overdrevet, det hun siger. Og jeg tror heller ikke på, at hun bare sådan lige kan stoppe med at elske ham, hvis hun virkelig har elsket ham (ikke at hun ikke har).
Til alle jer, der tror på at Yu har slået Vanessa; Tror I selv på, at han kunne finde på at slå hende? Nej. Det lyder for usandsynligt og overdrevet. Jeg fik ikke det indtryk af ham, at han var en voldelig person, da jeg mødte ham. Helt ærligt, tænk jer om en ekstra gang, før I naivt kaster jer ud i en fælles klagesang mod Yu. Dumt at hade Yu for noget han højest sandsynligt aldrig har gjort, ing?
Jeg nægter at tro på at Yu har slået Nessa, jeg har godt nok aldrig mødt ham face to face men på mig virker han som om han er kærligheden selv og aldrig kunne finde på at slå og da slet ikke en kvinde som han elsker højt(for det ved vi jo han gjorde/og stadig gør)og hvad der angår Nessa, tja det virker måske en smule overdrevet det hun skrive men jeg tro det det er skrevet kort efter det var sket og der var hun med stor sandsynlighed stadigvæk temmelig oprevet og meget gal på ham. Han skriver jo selv i hans egen "svar" på dette at hans mobilregning var blevet forhøjet med adskillelige 100 euro, da han har ringet til flere mennesker for at hjælpe hende, så slået hende det har han IKKE.
det er da så synd for dem. Kan lide dem begge to lige meget. Og hun så jo ud til at gøre ham glad og lykkelig
Okay, nu har jeg læst hendes historie igennem et par gange, og nu er det ikk for at forsvare Vanessa, for jeg bryder mig sådan set ikk om hende, MEN, hun skriver faktisk ikk på noget tidspunkt at Yu har slået hende - hun skriver at de kom og skændes i elevatoren (ordet "fight" ka både betyde "slagsmål" og "skænderi" og i den her sammenhæng betyder det skæenderi) og at han blev vred og "kastede" hende (hun mener nok at han har skubbede til hende) så hun faldt og slog hovedet. Hun skriver heller ikk at hun var i slagsmål med Mike, hun skriver at hun diskuterede med Mike og endte med at slå ham og en "arbejder" (ved ikk om hun mener en fra hotellet eller om det er en livvagt) blev vred og trak hende i håret, ind i elevatoren, hvor hun så, kort sagt, fik tæsk af vedkommende.
Hun skriver ogs at hun fik tæsk ude foran Yu's hotelværelse, men uanset hvor meget hun skreg kom han ikk ud og hjalp hende.
Altså. Det' måske ret svinsk at han ikk i det mindste stoppede dem der gav hende tæsk - men på den anden side er jeg ret sikker på at der er en del der er gået forud for det her. Det er nok ikk kun det skænderi i elevatoren der har gjort at de slog op.
Men som skrevet, så skriver Vanessa faktisk overhovedet ikk noget om at Yu eller Mike har slået hende. Kun at Yu har skubbet til hende og at hun selv har haft slået Mike.
Men derudover synes jeg godt nok at det er ganske trist at hendes modersmål er engelsk, og så er hun så dårlig til engelsk grammatik Oo - bebrejder overhovedet ikk de af jer der har misforstået hende og troet at hun har været oppe og slås med både Yu og Mike, for det er ret "begynder"-engelsk agtigt skrevet Oo
Hvem siger at "fight" i denne her situation betyder skænderi?
Desuden, tror jeg ikke på at hun fik tæsk, af en vagt - He slammed my head in nonstop into the elevator.
As if. Intet menneske gør det, med mindre hun ikke selv har startet noget.
At lyve om sådan noget .. Seems kinda mental, to me. :)
Shiny > tekstsammenhæng ;) - jeg gider ikk lave den helt store analyse hvor jeg fortæller hva der står mellem linjerne, men når man læser hvor denne "fight" foregår og hva der sker efterfølgende, så ka man se at "fight" er ment som "skænderi" - det' sæføli et rigtig uheldigt ord hun har brugt, og jeg synes selv hun burde ha valgt at kalde det et "aguement" eller "disagreement" så det lissom står klart at Yu ikk har givet hende tæsk.
Og jeg skrev jo ikk at jeg troede på hende, jeg skrev bare at hun ikk har været i slagsmål med Yu og Mike.
how dare you go against something, telling me you love me and yet hide yourself?
you truly never were worth my time or the tears that flood me.
unlike you, i haven't lost myself to this treacherous humanity.
everything i said was true and you know that.
you weren't there by my side to help me when i needed you and let me fall beside those demons.
what happened to the sword and shield you eternally promised me?
...why ask if i'm okay if you wouldn't even know if i died, and if i did...
what difference would it make if it was that night or now?
since that night, i've been blocking everything out. i can't look inside myself and bring it out because it would corrupt and destroy me. an event like that opens my eyes and makes me not want to walk amongst this ground that has been forsaken and simply give up my battle.
i refuse to have anything to do with you, but for me to come upon a response that you sent out to save your own fucking ass for a band that is now over and still struggling, you still continue to hurt me. the one person that you could have trusted, you blinded yourself over with greed and let go.
you told me money never got in the way of the heart... of love.
you allowed yourself to be bought over like a criminal and left me to die.
every promise you have ever made to me, you have broken...
you died to me that night.
writing this, i'm shaking but i don't care what your fans will think of me writing this for all eyes to see. you hide yourself to create a perfect world, but you should be ashamed. you turned into filth yourself; the very thing you always hated. you are not a musician and you're still learning to try to play guitar. fool yourself, you were meant for so fucking much more and yet you left me with your disease because you lost yourself to selfishness and weakened me.
you liar. you were breathing. perfectly. dare you write that you are thankful for the people around you that kept you away from me and threatened to take away the money you were struggling for? that is you being thankful, for them destroying my body and plaguing my spirit with the belief that everything has truly gone to decay? for your ultimatum to be alone and distressed when you had everything you needed? you thank them. when i sat beside you and told you what they did to me, you got up while the tour manager put his hand on you and you sat back down like an obedient child.
you heard my screams. you sat there with your head down. you forgot me.
i place shame on you and everyone there that night.
what has this world fucking come to where there truly is no justice?
everyone in your fake band was there and heard me screaming. nobody came out to help me. they kept themselves locked in their rat infested hotel rooms and when kiro came out with his cocaine dealing boyfriend.. they walked past me, pretending i wasn't even there. you're the sufferer, correct?
you lost yourself a long time ago and wasted what i gave you.
i loved you with my entire being. i gave you everything i could and i gave up so many things just to stay by your side to where you only tormented me.
you never loved me and i acknowledge this. you had an illusion in your mind of me and in the end, there was no memory left of truth when all forces tested their strength.
for you to complain about how you gave my mother one phone call a while after the police took me is astonishingly heartbreaking and disrespectful.
do you want to complain about how you spent a mere few euros for a phone call or for the phone calls i barely got when you were on tour, compared to how i always took care of you? don't embarrass yourself, your single existence amongst everything surrounded by you is sickening and meant for recycling.
you were such a beautiful person even in your darkness and i wanted to have a future with only you.
you killed something inside me that would have given life to something beautiful.
i would have taken my own heart and given it to you if it kept hurting.
i believed in you even though you are a failure in life. i accepted you and wanted to only better you. i wanted to take away the pain you had in your past and replace it with warmth and light. i was going to struggle for you no matter the circumstances placed in our tattered path.
i'm sitting here, drenched in tears and shaking... not knowing what to write, only wishing i could take a wire and plug it into my brain so i could portray what happened that night and how i feel into this screen and send it to you.
then no mistakes would be written and misunderstood.
how could you? disgrace yourself by asking for another chance, there is nothing else. you are no longer yourself to me and i wish for you to keep reawakening within death.
you meant so much to me and i can't believe you abandoned me.
after everything that i had been with you through and put so much effort into changing...
you let me die inside. you killed me and let me rot.
you are a damned and cursed person and you will remain that way.
i hope you're satisfied with your paycheck, you bastard.
i will continue to live my life on and you will stay away. i will find happiness and erase you like i should have seen through you long ago. i meddled with a life form not worth a single heartache.
it was a good trial of ours to know how much you truly didn't love me, how much i needed you, and now i will not have to struggle with a false burdening of the heart that you branded into me. i will only keep getting stronger.
your chances have gone. such a thing deserves no second meeting.
the next time you meet me, i will never utter a thought of remembrance within my mind and let you melt into the core of this diminishing world while i walk away.
as for your message, didn't you think that night was enough? but now to only hide in a response to dilute every weak mind and walk beside your disgusting shadow is sinful irresponsibility to the creation of ourselves.
when you awaken, you've already lost.
this world needs to change, the hurt needs to go away, and the truth needs to overpower and kill the lies.
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